ICC10 Continuation, 10-player, 17 May 2010

I logged on as Vehement shortly before raid time and fired up Vent. There I found a very unhappy Rogue. Legga had been hacked, and lost all his raiding gear. I have often considered myself something of a virtuoso of coarse language, but the imagery that Legga conjured as he described his plans for gold sellers, account hackers and other lowlifes was truly inspirational. With any luck he should get his gear back in time for Wednesday.

Short at least one DPS, we started forming the group. Not much in LFG, but we grabbed Brad and the Awesome Warrior Whose Name Escapes Me, and had a good group setting up. A bit short on melee, and with two paladins, I offered the group a Death Knight. Morticus offered a rule of thumb: All DKs who have 'Death' or 'Knight' in their names are idiots. I should have listened. Onboard comes DeathGiggles.

Short one healer and one DPS, I have a go at /Trade. Two other groups offering fresh runs, and no one biting. Time for some creative thinking. If we get DeathGiggles to tank, I could swap to my resto druid, we grab a DPS and we're off. I ask if the DK is up for it. No answer. I whisper. No answer. Not in Vent yet. Not looking good. Oh well. Then, he answers, with something monosyllabic. The omens are not good, but we all want to kill stuff, so I swap to Getaphix, and Morticus persuades a mate to bring his Rogue. Off we go!

Straight to Saurfang, all on Vent, and we're ready to pull. I'm in Laserchicken mode with my gearscore lower than my spellpower. No worries, all I have to do is taunt Blood Beasts and sound confident. Taunt. Level 83 things. What's my +hit again? Oh, the joy of alts one never plays. We pull, no-one lets the boss run away this time, and the damage starts flowing in both directions. BBs spawn, Moonfire, wrath, hurricane, roots, back on boss. Oh yes, I can do this. We keep hammering the boss, Blood Power stays under control, a mark falls, frenzy, heroism, pew pew, boss dead. Wow. First pull. Awesome job. Much happiness. Perrhaps we were wrong about the Pug Off Tank. See? Can't judge a book by its cover, or a DK by its name.

The Awesome Rogue disarms the trap in IceFrogger, which I didn't even know you could do, and we get ready to clear some trash. We're heading for Fester first, with high hopes of a fast kill, followed by more while we're still fresh. I remember that I'm meant to be in tree-mode just before we pull trash, so I enter combat with zero mana. Spiffing. At least I have healing sussed: Wild Growth if it's up, otherwise Rejuv on everybody. How hard can this be? DeathChuckles is showing worrying signs that he won't do as he's told, but enthusiasm is good, right?

We pull the two Abominations cleanly and smoothly this week, and they go down. Next pull, target the gnomes first, going well, casting Blight Bomb run away....oh dear three dead DPS. Hey, ho, keep grinding, Blight Bomb, dead Death Knight, healer and another DPS. I love Barkskin. It takes us mybe five minutes to grind the rest down, giving me a chance to move from last place to second on the healing meters. Pro Tip: If you're the weakest of three healers, and want to make yourself look good, don't heal the other two. One may die, and you can catch up.

I call out in clear terms that Asisia will plan and execute the next bit. It's critical that the MT can time the pulls to avoid Stinky and Precious, and manage any geist spawns. As I'm making this clear, our Pug Tank pulls Stinky. Oh well, two awesome healers plus me, and somehow we avoid a wipe. Stinky is dead more by luck than talent. We trot down to have a look at Fester. I explain our simple, proven strategy. Putting myself in the outer group was a small error, but off we go. The pull looks clean - tanks in position - oh dear wipe. Never mind. Back in, buff up, ask the DPS to give the tanks a second and we pull again.

Pew, we go. Pew pew. Heroism! Spores distributed! Oh holy hell, look at the damage on those tanks! I've only tanked this fight previously, and I never, ever, look at my own health when tanking. I mean, what am I meant to do with that information? Best ignored, I say. Healing, on the other hand, requires single-minded focus on health bars. If you've never healed this one before, it's like a game of whack-a-mole with burrowing rhinos. Or something.

Asisia taunts off DeathTickle, and we're going smoothly. Taunt, says Asisia. TAUNT! Oh dear.....DeathSparkles misses the taunt, Asisia explodes with the boss at 5%, we all fall down go boom (in the other order, actually). Displeased. DeathSunshine asks what happened. I, politely, point out that he may want to taunt next time. Silence. Then, "Bad time to DC, was it?" My Honesty Sensor is registering zero. Oh well, let's do it again.

As we buff up, DeathPrimrose offers some commentary on Vent: "Healing seems OK, Tanking was good, we need some more DPS." I, in a restrained tone, point out that what we would really rather like is a tank who can execute one taunt in a five-minute fight. We buff and off we go again. Two minutes in, all looking good, and DeathSmirker taunts! Awesome! At completely the wrong time! Not so awesome. Whoops. Wipe. Vent is a frigid silence, while the back-channels fill with bile. We make a decision - we can't two heal, we won't get another pug, we'll grin and grind on. "On the bright side, we never have to run with this one again".

For his next trick, DeathPossum decides to go AFK for ten minutes. Hey, ho. Then he comes back, with fewer apologies than brain cells. Amazingly, the next pull is almost perfect. Spores are spread, taunts are made, and we get him down! To below 1%! And he berserks and kills us all. At my last look he was below 75k. Heartbreaking, and we can't even blame the pug. Sad face.

By this point, I was so anaesthetised myself with beer that I can't truly recall the 'Why' part of the next wipe, but the 'Who' part is crystal clear. Funny, that.

The last three pulls have all been 'Final Pulls'. This time it's 'Really, if we don't get him down this time, I'm leaving the raid, the game, and possibly the country'. I shall spare you the details, but Acuity's Flame Elemental put in an appearance, and the boss went down. Like repeatedly smashing your hand in a door, it felt good to stop. I called the raid before we even tried the miniboss.

I think there are two lessons from this: we are a kick-arse raiding machine that can triumph over anything, and we should listen to Morticus when hiring Pugs.

Key Facts

• Number of Death Knights named "DeathSomething" in run: 1
• Number of half-wit, selfish, incompetent, moronic pillocks in run: 1
• Coincidence factor of previous two facts: 0%
• Number of wipes caused by DeathChuckles: I honestly lost count

ICC10 on Wednesday, I can't tank, Please listen to Morticus before pugging one in!